Friendship is Sweeter than Incense

Proverbs 27:9 (NLT) says, “The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.”

Today was a day like any other day, a Sunday morning spent with my husband and our afternoons respectively resigned to spending time with friends or pursuing hobbies. This afternoon, my best friend, Kate, and I went to a coffee shop in the town where I live. I sipped an iced blackberry matcha (so refreshing!) and she sipped a Cubano. We split a coffee cake.

Eleven years of friendship and every moment I get to spend with her is refreshing to my spirit, my soul, and my heart. Her friendship is “as sweet as perfume and incense.”

If anyone has been wounded by a friendship gone awry, it is me. Ministry wounds, high school friendship “breakups,” and arguments that lead to the end of a friendship era have been in my past.

I have often questioned God in the ways he has swiftly removed people from my life throughout the years, especially during my twenties. Something must be wrong with me, or I push people away. I don’t know how to be a good friend. These words have echoed tirelessly in my mind for years, and I have felt beaten down by the hurt of friends leaving, seemingly too plagued by my life circumstances or personality to stick around.

A few years ago, I was going through one of the roughest times in my life I have felt thus far. I felt lonelier than I had ever felt before, and yet I pushed people away; the people closest to me became more on the outside of my life than I’d like to admit.

In a few days, the place I was living, the job I had, and everything I had known for a few years post-college came crumbling down. I was left with nothing- nothing but the Lord and the relationships I had built throughout my life.

I was left with my friends, the truest friends I have ever known. Pictured above from left to right are Jade, Genny, Kate, and Sarah. In the last few years, these friends have picked me up off the floor. They’ve helped to piece me back together in the most Christ-honoring way. They have been with me in the fire and have not let me face the flames alone. They have been friends that have exemplified the love of Christ to me in every way humanly possible.

The four of them have reminded me of Christ and how he loves his church. Even when our mess is more than we can handle, these friends have shown up for me. And when it comes to our sin debt and our need for God’s mercy, we cannot handle that ourselves. Voice memos, phone calls, Marco Polos, and long drives to visit each other have been nothing shy of what these women have done for me over the last few years.

And today, my closest friend and I shared coffee cake and drinks and just processed through what has been on my mind lately.

Over the last few years, I have often thought of the way Jesus interacted with his friends. He had his 12 disciples, but he had 3 close friends- Peter, James, and John. These men were walking hand in hand with Jesus, praying for him, experiencing life to the greatest magnitude with him, and they were with him in his last days. Jesus was the ultimate friend, but the company he kept was something special.

Many days, a past that haunts me threatens to creep in and remind me of my mistakes and the fear those mistakes bring. Friends help shine a light and perspective that is brighter than any of the darkness of my past. Deep, longstanding friendships that have stood the test of time are testaments of God’s sweetest grace in my life.

Even recently, the friendship that my husband provides has given me a window into how much Christ desires to know us.

Jesus desires to be our closest friend, one who is with us in the fiery storms of life and one who knows us most intimately, like a husband or a friend does.

Some resources that I have found helpful as I’ve navigated through friendship in my twenties are “Find Your People” by Jennie Allen and “Attached to God” by Krispin Mayfield. Finally, the Bible, specifically the Gospels, speak to Jesus and his friends and the way they interacted.

Though I am not advanced in years, I have learned something in the 25 years I have been relating to people: Friends are crucial for our thriving and enjoyment of life. The friends that you’ve known for ten or more years that just know you inside and out, that have walked through life’s hardest trials with you are the friends that you want standing by your side when life goes awry, when parents pass away, when you lose a job or a child.

Want to hear a God-moment about my friend Kate? She’s actually the reason I met my husband. Her husband and mine are cousins, and we met at their wedding nearly 6 years ago. Because of our husbands’ relation to each other, Kate and I are cousins-in-law! She is my closest friend and my family! The Lord is kind to us by giving us friendship.

My heart, spirit, and mind are refreshed after my conversation with Kate today. There is nothing like a friend to speak truth and understanding into your life when things just seem too difficult to bear on your own.

How have you seen the Lord provide in friendships in your life? I would love to hear your stories. He is gracious and seeks to meet us with redemption in the places we have felt the deepest hurt.

Until next time,

xoxo